Sunday, September 30, 2007
the place just puts me at ease. no troubles, no pain, no love, no you.
just nene pookie and me and the breakwaters.
just simple conversations, with the frequent sneezing (blasted sinus), macdonalds and 7-11. a simple day.
you saw through my facade. =) guess you really know me well enough. thanks. somehow, it really meant a lot when you told me that. -hugs to my 大的-
the breeze just blew most of my troubles away. cliche it is, but yup. my heart feels much lighter than before. i dont want to disappoint anyone (including myself) anymore. neither do i want to make anyone worried for my actions. i've got to stand up, fight for my future happiness by moving on and most importantly, forget about you.
we all know that i'll forget about him....that's the definite thing. it's just a matter of time. how long do i want to drag it further or just put a stop to it immediately. sigh. it's just pointless to keep holding on to something that will never blossom.
plain meaningless.
no worries. i will carry out what i say. i promise.
the next time you all hear from me, it would be "the end". of course, do expect a little crying from me. =) that's for sure.
keep me in your memories. for i wont be there for you soon.
jocelyn | 10:30:00 PM
Saturday, September 29, 2007
deleted quite a lot of people. interesting.
people whom i've been talking to on msn deleted me on friendster. people who deleted me off friendster still talks to me msn. if not, some deleted me from both. okay.
if that's the case, i shall do the same to people whom im starting to loathe. or maybe not loathe, but i see no point in keeping them on list.
firstly, never talk before.
secondly, talk once in a super blue moon.
third, i found out you deleted me off your msn so im doing the same.
if you're in the above three categories, congrats! you're officially not on my list anymore. =)
i've never been able to find out who deleted me off friendster for no reasons. do you guys get that sometimes? but today, i found out one. wahahaha.
very slow i know. but oh well....i wonder what i did to deserve that person to delete me off though. whatever it is, he's off my list too. just in case you guys would love to check your msn messenger, just head down to blockstatus to check...who knows what surprises await you.
been a little out of mind for the past few days. havent been sleeping well. the eye luggages are like woah. dont mistake me for a panda. -roar!!- i cant stop thinking about the last day that im going to spend with you. i really cant. i dont want to cry in front of you neither do i want to say much...because, i know how insignificant im in your life.
perhaps disappearance might be a better option.
aye.
i should stop thinking. i really should.
but as much as im thinking about it (only at night, dont know why), i've been really happy for the past few days or two weeks. not much of sadness, not much of waiting....not much of hope. just plain ol' me doing things to past time.
i would really love to go punggol jetty.
watch the sunset, listen to the crashing waves, looking at the tiny crabs, sit on the rock and reminisce the days. you might ask why do i want to put myself through the tortures of reminiscing. it's not torture. it's some of the best memories i've had in my life.
it really is.
perhaps there's others out there who are like you. just that i've yet to meet anyone else.
on a lighter note, am looking forward to tomorrow. fresh air, here i come. =)
5months. 9rendezvous.
jocelyn | 11:59:00 PM
-shrugs-
haha. whatever it is. it turned out to be pretty already. not AS HORRIBLE AS i expected it to be. except for the constant phone conversations he had = he treat me as transparent. -.-"
surprisingly, he offered to treat me for dinner. something which he will never do in centuries or in his entire lifetime i would say. haha....then again, cos he was late...so he offered to treat me for dinner as a form of aplology.
pizza hut it was and did some catching up on each other's life. he's still the same. going after girls and getting hmmm....no results. haha. okay. thou shall not be bad. -sniggles- =)
aye.
"what happened to all of you?" he said at one point of time.
who's to judge what's happening in our life?
sometimes, it's really so much easier to stand aside, listen and comment about everything 'cause afterall, you didnt go through it. it's typical for everyone to talk and judge.
aye. judgemental.
i just wished he wasnt that religious sometimes, go all out! have fun....be havoc! try out things that you never thought you have the guts to do so. or that's your so-called 'self-realisation' period.
bahHhhh. shall not talk about yesterday anymore.
will update tonight i guess.
and yes! the big big ah ma is coming over to stay tonight. haha. =) happy happy.
the little things give you away.
jocelyn | 1:47:00 PM
Friday, September 28, 2007
i've tonnes of things which i havent do. =(
so sad. have yet to go exploring, stoning, sleep enough, play hard enough, slack my ass off and now the hols is ending!! pfffffftt. why cant time just move slightly slower? sigh.
and im seriously broke. i know you guys are sick of hearing me say im broke. but i really am. i dont even have enough to pay for my handphone bill. kns. last month handphone bills didnt really help much either. all thanks to the overseas smses and dont know what that caused the bill to take its toll. roar.
sigh. im really in deep shit. i think i dont even have enough for transport. ahHhhhhhh!!!! i need a rich boyfriend! i need tonnes of cash! i need a millionaire!
-____________________-"
bahHhhhh. im soOooo damn shallow. cant.stand.it.
if you have bucket lots of cash and have no idea how to spend it, perhaps you can try donating some to me. i promise i will do a job in helping you to spend it. =)
haha.
im going crazy at the thought of money. again. aye.
heart-sinking feeling.
jocelyn | 1:23:00 PM
Thursday, September 27, 2007
guess it's due to the misunderstanding. thought you get it but i guess you didnt.
sigh.
a little breathing space.
jocelyn | 12:27:00 PM
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
with the birthday girl, vanessa at the LUNAR entrance. =)
and not forgetting, the hot babe, suba. haha. lots of celebs were there too. but all took the lift up to the second floor. saw bernard something (cant remember his name) and hossen leong (super hmmm....horrible hairstyle i would say).
that's ikan the great staring at my camera. shot taken unknowingly by suba.
walking into LUNAR. glass pavement with lots of colourful glass pebbles and changing lights. pretty pretty!
didnt stay at LUNAR for more than 5minutes as vanessa really didnt like the place and she was really insistant on getting out of there. oh well. wanted to stay longer though. =/ head down to fashion bar instead. super nice place i would say. damn comfy couch, cushions and pretty chandelier (is that how you spell it?). great ambience. =)
i lied if i say i didnt drink. bahHhhhh. chocolate martinis. just one only!! -cross my heart- and to my dismay, it doesnt taste very good. so long never drink already, and when i have the chance to, they have to serve me not-up-to-standard martinis. -_____________-"
the drinks. all paid by vanessa's friend. ha. i saved 15bucks.
us at fashion bar. cant really stand the hair cos it's super flat at the moment. went to meet them right after rebonding. haha....busy busy.
and that's me happily queuing for cab which took centuries to arrive and when it was one person away from our turn, our bloody called cab came. -.-"
much better. i really am.
jocelyn | 11:53:00 PM
but i just want to blog.
im happy. lalala. very happy. =) haha....ask me why.
cos i rebonded my hair = straight hair = no more bad hair day = kinda flat hair = bankruptcy
yup. there's more to blog about. perhaps will update tomorrow. =)
all simple things, where have you gone.
jocelyn | 12:57:00 AM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
had tonnes of fun doodling with melissa and merrick too. maybe i'll buy a fisher-price doodlepro board for myself too.
here's some drawings. all drawn by the darling melissa. =)
top left: mummy guppy swimming with baby guppy, top right: a big big guppy with details in the tail, bottom left: a house with chimney and smoke and fish swimming in a lake and lastly, bottom right: little miss naughty, melissa trying very hard to draw one which was on my tee shirt. =) lovely.
top left: fishes and more fishes...haha, top right: yup, ikans....., bottom left: a tortoise and bottom right: melissa drawing a pig with her name = she is trying to tell us that she looks like a pig. lolx.
try figuring out what merrick is drawing.
really. try guessing.
.
..
...
....
.....
.....
.......
cant figure out? let me tell you then.
hahaha....he's drawing a pillow. which is equivalent to tracing the outline of the board.
off to serangoon gardens for dinner. superb western food. and the darling doing all sorts of funny faces for me to photograph them.
and that's all. =)
and the day is coming soon. it is.
jocelyn | 8:44:00 PM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
punggol jetty it is.
not exactly there, but somewhere near there.
at least i know where was i....still trying to find out where are the rest of the spots. if you're good at directions and driving, tell me. i need a little help and perhaps a small little favour. =)
sidetrack.
exam is tomorrow.
then again, not tomorrow, but today...and i feel soOoooo relaxed. way to relax for my own good i think. im just too tired to continue studying. im not tired as in 'wanting to sleep' tired, im just mentally exhausted from everything. it's been a really tough module. from assignments to tutorials and lab reports and quizzes, im totally brain fried and brain dead.
moreover to study for exam. sigh.
whatever it is, wish me luck. i need tonnes of good luck. if not, just wish me happy new year when i cant solve the paper.
aye.
seriously, i really cant be bothered with this paper. i just feel like going in, doing my best and all that i can and then sleep my life away.
and not forgetting, one week holiday!!! yay!!
im starting to plan what to do for the holidays. heh.
1. sleep.
2. eat.
3. slack.
4. shopping.
5. stoning.
6. go beach stone.
7. rot at home.
8. explore punggol jetty.
9. buy a map first before exploring.
10. cant think of what else to do.
11. most probably going to the beach to stone some more.
that's it.
woohoo!
cant wait. niahahahahahaha.
tiny crabs and crashing waves.
jocelyn | 12:47:00 AM
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
staring at the sea,
looking at someone fishing
with the sunset as the background.
it was all so beautiful.
somewhere only we know.
jocelyn | 12:58:00 PM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
kns. and i mean it. literally.
i stepped on shit today.
-________________-"
there must be some connections between my gold havaianas slim and ernest and going out with these two things.
number one.
was supposed to meet ernest and i fell and sprained my ankle. i was wearing my havaianas.
number two.
was out studying with ernest. i stepped on shit. i was wearing my havaianas too.
see the link?
oh, then again, might want to add in another coincident to these two events:
i wasnt looking on the floor while walking.
hahahahahaha.
damn duh-H right?
i think im nuts.
aye. till then.
stop chasing after me unless you're ready to catch me.
jocelyn | 12:48:00 AM
Sunday, September 16, 2007
hmmm....whatever it is, was nice talking to him although we only finish chatting at an unearthly 4.30am.
-__________________-"
crush, likes, love, life, people, guys, sadness and everything were part of the conversation. i guess i just need to pour my woes out to someone. aye. and surprisingly, after saying out everything, i feel so much better. somehow, it seems like he understand what im feeling and he can say out my exact feeling. sigh.
and yes, it's all in the past.
totally not worth it to hang onto the past though the memories are unforgettable. i wonder how did i managed to swallow it all despite all the things that he had done. i guess i really like him too much then.
and sometimes, i still wonder how is he doing...i wonder does he even think of me occasionally. sigh.
they always say all good things come to people who wait. im still waiting...or am i supposed to sit under a tree and wait? then some drop dead gorgeous hunk will just 'poof!' and drop down from the tree?
looking at the people around me, all soaked in love and happiness, i wonder, when will that day ever happened to me. will there ever be someone who cherish me and treasure me for who i am. it's not desperate, haha it just that you longed to be hold and loved by someone. who doesnt want that? unless it's some freaking old hag that goes like,
"i dont want to get married lah!!!"
yea. im not an old hag. i want to get married. haha.
this whole post isnt really going anywhere you know why? cos im sleepy. im just rattling on and on and on and typing tonnes of mistakes. you have no idea how many times i 'backspace-d' while typing this post.
bahHhhhh.
whatever. on the phone with nene pookie now. =)
love.hate.life.pain.everything.
jocelyn | 12:54:00 PM
Friday, September 14, 2007
exam's coming!!
exam's coming!!!
ahhhhHhhhhh!!!!
and im still sleeping my day away...ahhhhh!!!
-panic panic-
i'll start studying once im slightly more awake. sigh.
the wonders of procastination.
jocelyn | 12:38:00 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
and two more questions and im done with tutorials.
but...
the answers are taking forever to reach me.
-________________-"
so let me blog in the meantime.
let's countdown to my one week holiday shall we?
yay!!! just another 7 more days and im free! (free for one week).
then again, counting down to my one week holiday is equivalent to counting down to the day of my exam. bahHhhh. sianz. and speaking of exam, i have yet to start studying!!! roar. all thanks to the never-ending lab reports and tutorials. i didnt procastinate! i swear to god i didnt. just that there's lots of last minute changes, that's why i took donkey years to complete it.
and of course, if people have some sense of urgency and pass me the answers, or in a nicer way, pass me the information, i WOULD HAVE complete it long ago.
im gibbering.
ignore me. ahHhhhhh!!! im just so stressed out. i.cant.stand.it.
whatever it is, i just want to have a good rest, not think about any shit ass problems i have and party/waste/slack my life away.
and this seems so far away.
holiday!! come to me quick!!!
-piak piak piak-
jocelyn | 1:56:00 AM
Monday, September 10, 2007
ups and downs.
highs and lows.
whatever it is, im feeling numb.
very numb at this moment.
i just want a sweet escape. from everything else.
waiting eagerly for my well-deserved one week break.
jocelyn | 11:25:00 PM
Saturday, September 08, 2007
09/04.
4.45pm.
suntec.
directions.
plaza singapura.
arcade.
fun.
nothing to do.
impromptu.
movie.
meet the robinsons.
carrefour.
coke.
ice lemon tea.
strawberry hello panda.
heavy bag.
carrying.
inefficient people.
palms.
joining lines.
soulmates.
interesting.
dinner.
geylang.
no parking.
going circles.
parallel parking.
oyster mee sua.
you tiao.
soya bean drinks.
chopsticks.
prostitutes.
disgusting.
'keep moving forward!'
car.
pranks.
jokes.
laughter.
head on head.
comfort.
punggol.
mat.
star gazing.
shooting stars.
lying on your arm.
'is my head heavy? wont your arm feel tired?'
'no, your head is pretty light.'
jacket.
covered me.
cold.
mosquitoes.
calls.
late.
headed home.
'it was really nice and comfortable with you.'
you smiled as you said.
'can i get a hug from you?'
'sure.'
huggable.
goodbyes.
and the day ends with a smile.
but continues on with a heartache....
jocelyn | 12:37:00 AM
somedays i feel perfectly fine and all set to move on.
today is the day that i feel perfectly fine. =)
who knows? maybe tomorrow might be better.
listen to my voice, it's my disguise....
jocelyn | 12:05:00 AM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
i shouldnt have even agreed to let you to call me. damn it. should have just continue acting blur. wahHhhhh.
stop treating me so nice, stop blaming yourself, it's not going to work. i know it pains you to see me like this, but it's not like as if i will go back to you. i wont. and you know it. so why are doing all these?
so what if you've tried harder in the past so as to get me? have you ever thought of what's going through my mind? the harder you try, the more i'll run away. i wont take back what i left behind.
you cant change things. cliche as it may be, but whatever's meant to be, will still happen eventually. so stop it. you're making me scared. i dont know what to do anymore. stop forcing me. just stop everything that you're doing right now.
your presence really doesnt make much of a difference to me unless you're him.
but you're not.
the only thing i can tell you is 'im sorry'....and nothing else. it's just a love that is not reciprocated.
im troubled enough.....and i really dont need you to add on to it at the moment.
just leave me alone for the time being. i just need some peace.
sigh.
jocelyn | 12:37:00 PM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
jocelyn | 1:40:00 PM
Monday, September 03, 2007
roar.
somehow, i think i lost the interest in blogging recently....sigh. or maybe im just too tired to blog. whatever it is....
.....im back! yea....
hmmm...finally did some shopping since i havent step out of the house for the past two weeks all thanks to lab reports. gosh. and speaking of shopping, it was woah~ destructive to the savings account.
im dead serious.
i swear to god i'll not step out of the house for the rest of the month cos im left with a bloody miserable amount of hmmm...cannot say. but it's barely even enough to keep me alive till next week. yea. im pretty much half dead or 3/4 dead.
perhaps i should do part time begging.
it's a good job! some journalist went to interview a begger and found out that in a day, he can earn a fucking 400 bucks. picture this, 400 bucks a day, in a month, there is 30 days...so monthly income will be 400 x 30 = 12,000 bucks. wusha!!
i can never get that much. bahHhhh.
-_____________________-"
im going crazy at the thought of money.
money makes the world go round....or at least my tiny little puny world. hmmm.
randoms.
lab reports are back! damn it. -curse and swear- and it means that's the end of my social life. yeaps. exams coming up in less than 2 weeks and here i m, slacking my ass off. great.
sigh. i realised i've been too nice to everyone around me that everyone's just stepping all over me and taking me for granted. wayYyyyy too shitty.
老虎不发挥，你们把我当病猫！！
you guys are soOoooo going to get it from me someday!!!! roar!!!
anyway,
on a more serious note, i realised that i've been thinking less of you. it's a good thing i guess. cos you and i both know that this is going nowhere, so perhaps leaving things the way it is now is the best. or maybe this is just me, cos i still dont know what's on your mind. this didnt come as a consensus thing between us as i know this is just a period of time whereby you wont contact me but after sometime, you still will ask me out.
it all just boils down to me ultimately.
ignore? or reply?
of cos the rightful answer is ignore, but i cant deny the fact that i might reply a yes and still go out with him....althought the possibility of that is superb-ly low. you're just making a fool out of me....sure, delete me off msn, thinking that i wont find out. and i still can pretend like nothing happen when im out with you when my heart just breaks deep inside.
sigh.
i cant really think straight at the moment, but still, i can make some sense.
it just takes more time. it really does. but all's going good so far.......
......as long as you dont contact me.
that's for sure.
